Opiates: A Perspective
There's been a lot of dialogue lately around the state of opiate use within our society. While I'm not advocating on either side of this complex debate, my aim is to provide more of an understanding of opiates, opiate use and addiction.
Let's start with a story......
Throughout my life I've been an active person. To say that athletics consumed my life was an understatement. From playing Soccer and Baseball in the spring, to Volleyball, Hockey and Basketball in the fall and winter, I was deeply involved in athletic pursuits. This endless pursuit lead to college basketball scholarships and two national championships.
While I wouldn't trade my experiences in athletics for anything, the regular wear and tear of competitive sports, along with a genetic predisposition led to significant back problems.
In 2007 I suffered my first of two back injuries. I initially herniated my L1/L2 and L2/L3 spinal discs. Unless you've experienced nerve pain, you can't quite comprehend the nagging physical and psychological struggle associated. Since the pain wasn't so severe and my quality of life wasn't completely affected I was considered low priority by the medical system. My pain was controlled by regular over the counter medication for year until the pain finally escalated to the point that I could no longer function. A week later I was surgery, and a month later was back to regular activity. From some of the thing I read online I felt like I dodged a bullet with no lasting effects, other than a bit of nerve damage in my right leg.
Enter 11 months later.....
While playing a routine hockey game I reached forward for the puck and slightly twisted. Instantly I felt that undeniable nerve pain. This pain however, was much more intense than the previous injury. I knew what I had done. I followed up with my doctor and was diagnosed with L3/L4 and L4/L5 herniated discs and placed back on the list for surgery.
This time, however, the pain was excruciating. Over the next 5 months I was prescribed T3's, Hydromorphone and various other high dose narcotic pain killers in order to numb the pain and function. After 5 months of continued medication use and progression of the herniated discs I got to the point where standing upright and walking was agony. I saw my doctor who hospitalized me to wait for surgery as I had graduated to priority status.
While it was a relief to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was informed that my surgery date was two weeks away. I would need to wait in hospital to wait for the surgery. To add to this, the only medication that seemed to work was injections of Morphine. These occurred three to four times a day for the next two weeks.
Finally the surgery date came. I again went under the knife and my herniated discs were corrected. Afterwards I felt like all was well. My pain was gone and with no lasting physical effects. I was prescribed 3 days of T3's to help with the post-surgery pain and I was on my way. Great! time to move on.
Enter the Beast.....
I have a very in-depth understanding of substances and their effects since most of my career has been spent working in mental health and addictions. However, no amount of understanding could have prepared me for the misery of what was to come.
Research indicates that the number one reason that people use substances and become addicted is because of pain. Whether it be physical, psychological or emotional, it always comes down to pain. Knowing this and understanding this are not the same thing. Another factor for continued use is to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Let me tell you, if you think having a hangover from a night out of drinking is unpleasant, try attempting coming off 5 month daily use of opiates cold turkey. It makes you want to die.
The thing about opiate withdrawal is, all the things you do in order to heal yourself, your body is incapable of doing. Need to eat? Nope you're not hungry. Need to shit? Fuck that, you're not allowed to do that either. Want to sleep? Here's 7 straight days of insomnia. These are the initial stages of my opiate withdrawal. The latter stages are the ones that are truly scary.
I vividly remember sitting in the shower because you know, I still can't stand well from having back surgery and while staring at the water, miniature stampeding bulls began falling from the shower head. According to my wife I was trying to catch them. In her words, "I've never been more scared for you." Hallucinations are the real fucking deal and not a pleasant experience. Another great part of withdrawal is during the short windows of time where you do get some sleep. Your subconscious ramps up the twistedness of your psyche and provides you with the most vivid, fucked up dreams that you might as well be awake.
For a 10 day period I experience my own individual hell. Luckily for me, the only demons I was battling were the physical ones and once the withdrawal had passed I was left, more or less, pain free. Now take into consideration that psychological pain does create physical pain within the body. Only then will you understand how someone will continue to use, not only to escape the horrifying experience of withdrawal, but also to numb the physical effects of psychological trauma.
Again, I'm not advocating on behalf of any narrative. I also believe that each person is responsible for their own outcome in life despite the tragedies that are thrust upon them. I only want to provide another perspective and understanding of how opiates can easily take over your entire world. As someone who has only the regular amount of traumatic experiences I can only imagine the levels of hell someone has experienced in order to become addicted to substances.
Finally, this article isn't meant to blame anyone for my experience. I actually think that the care I received went above and beyond what was required. I do, however, think it's important to truly understand all aspects of a situation prior to passing judgement.
If you take one thing away, let it be this. No one is immune from these experiences. Instead of passing judgement, try to understand the experience first. No one gets a pass to be a shitty human regardless of their experiences. If you for one second think that this shit couldn't happen to you, let me tell you it fucking can.
Take what you want from my experience. If it made you examine your individual thinking on the situation...good.
Throughout my life I've been an active person. To say that athletics consumed my life was an understatement. From playing Soccer and Baseball in the spring, to Volleyball, Hockey and Basketball in the fall and winter, I was deeply involved in athletic pursuits. This endless pursuit lead to college basketball scholarships and two national championships.
While I wouldn't trade my experiences in athletics for anything, the regular wear and tear of competitive sports, along with a genetic predisposition led to significant back problems.
In 2007 I suffered my first of two back injuries. I initially herniated my L1/L2 and L2/L3 spinal discs. Unless you've experienced nerve pain, you can't quite comprehend the nagging physical and psychological struggle associated. Since the pain wasn't so severe and my quality of life wasn't completely affected I was considered low priority by the medical system. My pain was controlled by regular over the counter medication for year until the pain finally escalated to the point that I could no longer function. A week later I was surgery, and a month later was back to regular activity. From some of the thing I read online I felt like I dodged a bullet with no lasting effects, other than a bit of nerve damage in my right leg.
Enter 11 months later.....
While playing a routine hockey game I reached forward for the puck and slightly twisted. Instantly I felt that undeniable nerve pain. This pain however, was much more intense than the previous injury. I knew what I had done. I followed up with my doctor and was diagnosed with L3/L4 and L4/L5 herniated discs and placed back on the list for surgery.
This time, however, the pain was excruciating. Over the next 5 months I was prescribed T3's, Hydromorphone and various other high dose narcotic pain killers in order to numb the pain and function. After 5 months of continued medication use and progression of the herniated discs I got to the point where standing upright and walking was agony. I saw my doctor who hospitalized me to wait for surgery as I had graduated to priority status.
While it was a relief to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was informed that my surgery date was two weeks away. I would need to wait in hospital to wait for the surgery. To add to this, the only medication that seemed to work was injections of Morphine. These occurred three to four times a day for the next two weeks.
Finally the surgery date came. I again went under the knife and my herniated discs were corrected. Afterwards I felt like all was well. My pain was gone and with no lasting physical effects. I was prescribed 3 days of T3's to help with the post-surgery pain and I was on my way. Great! time to move on.
Enter the Beast.....
I have a very in-depth understanding of substances and their effects since most of my career has been spent working in mental health and addictions. However, no amount of understanding could have prepared me for the misery of what was to come.
Research indicates that the number one reason that people use substances and become addicted is because of pain. Whether it be physical, psychological or emotional, it always comes down to pain. Knowing this and understanding this are not the same thing. Another factor for continued use is to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Let me tell you, if you think having a hangover from a night out of drinking is unpleasant, try attempting coming off 5 month daily use of opiates cold turkey. It makes you want to die.
The thing about opiate withdrawal is, all the things you do in order to heal yourself, your body is incapable of doing. Need to eat? Nope you're not hungry. Need to shit? Fuck that, you're not allowed to do that either. Want to sleep? Here's 7 straight days of insomnia. These are the initial stages of my opiate withdrawal. The latter stages are the ones that are truly scary.
I vividly remember sitting in the shower because you know, I still can't stand well from having back surgery and while staring at the water, miniature stampeding bulls began falling from the shower head. According to my wife I was trying to catch them. In her words, "I've never been more scared for you." Hallucinations are the real fucking deal and not a pleasant experience. Another great part of withdrawal is during the short windows of time where you do get some sleep. Your subconscious ramps up the twistedness of your psyche and provides you with the most vivid, fucked up dreams that you might as well be awake.
For a 10 day period I experience my own individual hell. Luckily for me, the only demons I was battling were the physical ones and once the withdrawal had passed I was left, more or less, pain free. Now take into consideration that psychological pain does create physical pain within the body. Only then will you understand how someone will continue to use, not only to escape the horrifying experience of withdrawal, but also to numb the physical effects of psychological trauma.
Again, I'm not advocating on behalf of any narrative. I also believe that each person is responsible for their own outcome in life despite the tragedies that are thrust upon them. I only want to provide another perspective and understanding of how opiates can easily take over your entire world. As someone who has only the regular amount of traumatic experiences I can only imagine the levels of hell someone has experienced in order to become addicted to substances.
Finally, this article isn't meant to blame anyone for my experience. I actually think that the care I received went above and beyond what was required. I do, however, think it's important to truly understand all aspects of a situation prior to passing judgement.
If you take one thing away, let it be this. No one is immune from these experiences. Instead of passing judgement, try to understand the experience first. No one gets a pass to be a shitty human regardless of their experiences. If you for one second think that this shit couldn't happen to you, let me tell you it fucking can.
Take what you want from my experience. If it made you examine your individual thinking on the situation...good.
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