The Things I Have Lost
Enter meditation. Just over two years ago I made a commitment to incorporate meditation into my daily routine. I made and achieved a goal of meditating for a minimum of 15 minutes every day for a year. Since starting this it has become a solid part of my day. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel strange and awkward when I first began my practice. Since exploring and deeply connecting with emotions isn't something I'm familiar with. Also, the practice of sitting still with my eyes closed was also a bit comical as I envisioned dudes in robes staring at walls in caves while attempting to reach some subjective experience of enlightenment.
After two years I no longer feel that awkwardness and now believe that meditation is a practice that all people should undertake. I haven't found anything better for calming and really connecting with my inner world. It has made a profound impact on me that I never really initially expected. No, I haven't reached enlightenment (which is a separate discussion) and I'm not all light and love (spiritual bypassing) but I have learned some significant things.
While people typically engage in new practices or activities to gain something in their life. The things I'm most proud of with meditation are the things I have lost. Below are some of the main things I have discovered and lost over the past two years.
1) The desire to follow the crowd-I've never been the type of person that has done things just because of some societal expectation. Yet through meditation I have lost all desire to be part of what society, people, friends and family expect. I've learned that we each have our own path to follow. This path is not well defined and without route markers. Each path is essentially blazing a brand new trail. For me, if the path is well worn, then I know I'm following someone else's path.
2) The desire to be liked by everyone-Trying to be liked by everyone leads to a variety of psychological issues. Being yourself means that there are going to be some people that don't like the person you are. That's okay. It's not your job to be liked by everyone. The real people who belong in your world will see who you really are and will make an effort to stay. Don't be surprised when most people don't stick around when you start acting as your true self.
3) Deep seeded emotional scars-We all have scars that we carry around. Most of us can go an entire lifetime without recognizing what these scars are doing to our lives. Most of the time people want to avoid all the hurt and pain from these scars. This leads down a dangerous and self destructive path. Only through exploring your pain and incorporating it into your true self are you able to release it. I used meditation to explore and heal my painful traumas. This has allowed me to become a more complete version of myself.
4) The desire to compete with anyone except myself-This may sound harsh but I literally don't care what anyone else is doing. My entire focus has shifted inward. As long as I feel I have moved closer to my goals each day, I literally couldn't give a shit what other people are doing. If you want to reach your goals in life, stop looking outward and begin looking inward.
5) Chasing societal status goals- Buy a big house, drive a nice car, climb the corporate ladder, be an influencer. I have lost all desire to chase societal goals and expectations. I don't think people understand how much strain and pressure they put on themselves in the pursuit of superficial and egotistical status. Busting your ass for a job that would replace you in a second and a boss that doesn't care about you erodes your inner spirit. I no longer feel it necessary to pursue and give emotional energy to things that aren't my own.
6) Fear, embarrassment, anxiety, stress, resentment- While I can't say that I've lost these things completely, since that would be achieving enlightenment, which isn't possible. These emotions no longer drive the majority of my actions and decision making.
7) Expectations of others-The best way to constantly being disappointed is to have expectations of others. As long as what you are doing isn't disrupting and affecting my life, have at it. On the flip side, I also know what kinds of people I want in my life. So while I have no problem with you being you, just don't be surprised if I'm no longer around.
8) Dependency on external validation-I no longer look externally to drive who I am. People spend the majority of their lives searching externally for who they are. Not recognizing that everything they are is already within them. If you're trying to find yourself through external measures, you're always going to be searching and you're never going to fill that deep void inside of you.
While these are only a few of the lessons I've learned through the use of meditation. I never intended for meditation to have such a profound affect on my life. If you would've asked me 10 years ago if I would be advocating for people to meditate, I would've laughed in your face. Living and experiencing the world is a uniquely personal and subjective experience. Meditation provides you with the opportunity to connect with who you are on a deeper level. This, in turn, gives experiencing life a much deeper meaning.
Most people lack any true depth and self understanding. If you want to truly experience, I would suggest meditation. I don't think you'll be sorry.
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