What You Can Learn From Aloneness
The French philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, "All of humanity's problems stem from a man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." Based on my recent experiences, there are no truer words spoken. It is also remarkable that these words were spoken in the 1600s.
Over the past 7 months I have been in the midst of what I call aloneness. This is not to be confused with loneliness. Where loneliness is sadness because one has no friends or company. Aloneness speaks to something different. It is a disposition towards being alone. It can be used as a miraculous tool to truly understand yourself. However, there's a catch.
Aloneness is really fucking difficult. My deep dive into aloneness really came to fruition organically through a number of factors occurring all at once. First, I too a new role at work where I spend a good 90% of my time alone. My wife, with whom is my workout buddy, broke her foot and as such I spend 100% of my workouts by myself. My wife and I took up meditation and as she has a proclivity to fall asleep during our early sessions, I now meditate entirely on my own. My yoga practice is spent alone, except for the infrequent occasions that my daughter or my wife join me. My point is, that other than the times I spend with my wife and kids in the morning and after work prior to bedtime, I'm usually alone.
This brings me back around to Pascal's quote and why I believe it is the fundamental basis for a lot of suffering that people experience in society. It's an interesting experience when you truly start to understand who you truly are and how you work. You can read all the books you want on authenticity, living your truth and expressing your individuality, but until you actually force yourself to experience it you have zero understanding.
Most people also believe that they know themselves in some capacity. I'm here to tell you that you're full of shit. If you haven't spent a great deal of time alone with your thoughts and diving deep into your psyche you have no clue who you actually are. From my time spent alone, here's what I have learned.
1) Being around people all the time is a way to distract yourself from who you actually are
- The world is filled with white noise, opinions, social media alerts and other bullshit that drowns out your own thoughts and being. If you feel it necessary to always be surrounded by constant stimulation you probably have some issues that you are avoiding and need to deal with.
2) The way you think you think is probably not the way you think
- By spending time alone your are going to uncover how you really think. Most people's opinions and thoughts aren't in fact their own thoughts or opinions. In fact, they are most likely second hand information that you took on as your own without actually thinking critically about them.
3) Meditation is the best tool to get to know yourself
- It took me a year of practicing meditation in order to calm my mind enough to begin self exploration. It is not easy. That being said, it is also the single best practice to use in order to explore your inner self, who you are and how you actually think. Learn it and use it.
4) There are parts of yourself that you probably won't like but you'll need to accept
- The psychologist Carl Jung called this part of you, the shadow. He stated that the shadow is the unknown dark side of your personality. It typically contains all the things that you believe and are capable of that societal norms have told you are unacceptable or bad. It also contains all the things that you have done in your life that you feel shame and guilt about. Your ego protects you from these things by repressing them into your unconscious mind. Spending more time alone, especially if you meditate, forces you confront the darker side of your personality and accept yourself in its entirety. Confronting your shadow is not an enjoyable experience, but it is necessary for personal growth. If you are able to accept your shadow, you'll thank yourself later.
5) You are the cause of and solution to all the problems in your life
- The famous philosopher Jack Sparrow once said, "The problem is not the problem, it's your attitude about the problem." While this philosophy isn't going to fix your broken marriage or financial stresses. It gives you the opportunity to change your thinking about those problems so that you are able to find solutions instead of drowning in your own emotions.
Aloneness is a powerful tool all too frequently avoided. In a world of constant over-stimulation, political indoctrination by the media and social justice overload the amount of information people consume on a daily basis is overwhelming. Spending time alone gives you the opportunity to get back to your roots and re-evaluate your place in the world. It gives you the reprieve to address issues going on in yourself which has numerous benefits over the long term. It is my belief that the world would be a better place if people learned how sit quietly in a dark room alone.
*Disclaimer: While I believe that for the general population, spending time alone can be helpful. If you are struggling with any type of trauma, mental illness or are an overly emotional person I would not recommend beginning this practice alone as it could bring up feelings of isolation, hopelessness and suicidality. Please connect with a trained mental health professional prior to deep diving into your psyche as they will help you to navigate any treacherous waters.
*Disclaimer 2: Jack Sparrow isn't actually a philosopher but instead a bad ass pirate, aaarrgghhh 😉.
Aloneness is really fucking difficult. My deep dive into aloneness really came to fruition organically through a number of factors occurring all at once. First, I too a new role at work where I spend a good 90% of my time alone. My wife, with whom is my workout buddy, broke her foot and as such I spend 100% of my workouts by myself. My wife and I took up meditation and as she has a proclivity to fall asleep during our early sessions, I now meditate entirely on my own. My yoga practice is spent alone, except for the infrequent occasions that my daughter or my wife join me. My point is, that other than the times I spend with my wife and kids in the morning and after work prior to bedtime, I'm usually alone.
Most people also believe that they know themselves in some capacity. I'm here to tell you that you're full of shit. If you haven't spent a great deal of time alone with your thoughts and diving deep into your psyche you have no clue who you actually are. From my time spent alone, here's what I have learned.
1) Being around people all the time is a way to distract yourself from who you actually are
- The world is filled with white noise, opinions, social media alerts and other bullshit that drowns out your own thoughts and being. If you feel it necessary to always be surrounded by constant stimulation you probably have some issues that you are avoiding and need to deal with.
2) The way you think you think is probably not the way you think
- By spending time alone your are going to uncover how you really think. Most people's opinions and thoughts aren't in fact their own thoughts or opinions. In fact, they are most likely second hand information that you took on as your own without actually thinking critically about them.
3) Meditation is the best tool to get to know yourself
- It took me a year of practicing meditation in order to calm my mind enough to begin self exploration. It is not easy. That being said, it is also the single best practice to use in order to explore your inner self, who you are and how you actually think. Learn it and use it.
4) There are parts of yourself that you probably won't like but you'll need to accept
- The psychologist Carl Jung called this part of you, the shadow. He stated that the shadow is the unknown dark side of your personality. It typically contains all the things that you believe and are capable of that societal norms have told you are unacceptable or bad. It also contains all the things that you have done in your life that you feel shame and guilt about. Your ego protects you from these things by repressing them into your unconscious mind. Spending more time alone, especially if you meditate, forces you confront the darker side of your personality and accept yourself in its entirety. Confronting your shadow is not an enjoyable experience, but it is necessary for personal growth. If you are able to accept your shadow, you'll thank yourself later.
5) You are the cause of and solution to all the problems in your life
- The famous philosopher Jack Sparrow once said, "The problem is not the problem, it's your attitude about the problem." While this philosophy isn't going to fix your broken marriage or financial stresses. It gives you the opportunity to change your thinking about those problems so that you are able to find solutions instead of drowning in your own emotions.
Aloneness is a powerful tool all too frequently avoided. In a world of constant over-stimulation, political indoctrination by the media and social justice overload the amount of information people consume on a daily basis is overwhelming. Spending time alone gives you the opportunity to get back to your roots and re-evaluate your place in the world. It gives you the reprieve to address issues going on in yourself which has numerous benefits over the long term. It is my belief that the world would be a better place if people learned how sit quietly in a dark room alone.
*Disclaimer: While I believe that for the general population, spending time alone can be helpful. If you are struggling with any type of trauma, mental illness or are an overly emotional person I would not recommend beginning this practice alone as it could bring up feelings of isolation, hopelessness and suicidality. Please connect with a trained mental health professional prior to deep diving into your psyche as they will help you to navigate any treacherous waters.
*Disclaimer 2: Jack Sparrow isn't actually a philosopher but instead a bad ass pirate, aaarrgghhh 😉.
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